Bra and Panty Combo Fail

I wasn’t having much luck finding cute bras online, so I decided to do a quick scan of Etsy.com, to see what was available in the handmade department.  As luck would have it, I stumbled across a few gems.  Observe.

For a mere $70.00, this too can be yours:

Bra - (noun).  1.  Any scrap of fabric clinging to your breast.
Bra – (noun). 1. Any scrap of fabric clinging to your breasts

I hate to break it to this seller, but this is not what is commonly referred to as a bra.  Unless, of course, she means a bra after a thousand wash cycles.

In case you were thinking, “What else can I do with this bra?” rather than “Why wouldn’t I just go bra-less?”  the textile artist also says it can double as beach wear.  Score!

Someone forgot their bra on the beach!

(It kind of does look like tangled fishing line, so I guess they’re right about it being beach appropriate.)

Just when I was starting to worry that my nether region was going to be left out, I found these matching panties,  resembling a mangy patch of pubic hair, cryptically described by the artist as, “jewellery within lingerie.”

underwear

Hallelujah! Jewellery/panties – and at an affordable $30.00 US to boot!

underwear2

Note the curious, lumpy, knot of balled up fibers, at the top juncture.  Sadly, it’s the closest thing I can spy that could possibly be construed as lingerie jewellery.

Nice.  It always irked me, how my underwear seemed so cookie cutter; sporting annoying features like elastic, fabric, an identifiable crotch area and symmetrical stitches.   I’ve been searching in earnest for a solution that didn’t involve just going commando.  As a totally unexpected bonus, both the bra and underwear work for both men and women apparently.  Rejoice!  Who knew that, all along, men and women can fit into the same style and cut of underwear, despite our different anatomy? I just texted my boyfriend, asking how many pairs of thread panties and chest nets we need.   Isn’t it awesome that I can think of them as ours and not just his or mine?

The seller urges her clients to treat the undies (and I quote) “more like tattoo” due to the “gentleness of their construction”.  This is a perplexing statement, because I thought tattoos were synonymous with all things tough and permanent.  You definitely don’t want people to get the wrong idea – one poorly executed move during the washing phase and your thread panties will tangle, turning into something similar to what one might pull out of a bathroom drain.

Maybe this was done by the same artist?!
Maybe this was done by the same artist?!

I am going to write to the seller and suggest she list “survival gear” as an alternate use for the bra/panty combo. If you find yourself stranded on a deserted island you can simply unwind a section of your bra and go fishing. If your man is fortunate enough to also be sporting some of this upscale, gender neutral lingerie – and he hasn’t already made his panties into a slingshot –  you can borrow his threads and maybe tie some palm fronds together and make a shelter. Quite a sensible gift really.

shipping picture

I am confused by the $10.00 shipping fee and the extra cost if you want to add another item.  One would think that a handful of thread (or two) would fit easily into a plain letter size envelope. I’m thinking $1.50 max is all is should take to get from A – B. Maybe it has to be insured.  I can totally see a thief ripping into the envelope, seeing it filled with what looks like embroidery leavings and thinking, “Score.  I’m taking all this thread home!”  In turn, I can also see it being a breeze when the seller goes to the post office to complain and recoup her losses.  It should only take a second or two for her to describe the missing items to the postal agent, convince them that someone invested $100.00 in said products, and get reimbursed.

Enjoy.

P.S.  I just wanted to stress that Etsy.com is an awesome place to buy handmade goods, from ridiculously talented people.  I shop their frequently because I like to support the handmade movement and I make an effort to promote artists and products I like on this blog.  Sometimes I feature artist I don’t.  <shrug> Ying and yang – it all balances out.  I purposefully did not include this artists name, logo, or contact info.
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6 Comments Add yours

  1. zegnajewelry says:

    cool, maybe it’s not for wearing as art object)))

    1. They’re definitely not art. I seriously think they’re survival gear in disguise.

  2. Christina says:

    That is the most awesome review I’ve ever read. Well said!

    1. Will you be rushing out to buy a pair? 🙂

  3. mithriluna says:

    This is ridiculously funny. Definitely one of the best reviews of a product I’ve ever read. Awesome post!

  4. Amy Lynn says:

    Haahahahahahahahahahhahahahaaa!!
    Oh I’m crying. That definitely belongs at “regretsy” rather than the original site ;0)

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